Presence

Hmm another post about christianity, this blog wasn't supposed to be about this.
It's always a dangerous thing when an artist starts talking about theology, like we're not trained for this... leave God thoughts for the professionally trained and I'll go back to the watercolours...

Partly this is lots of stuff going around in my head and brought on by my friend JL's fantastic blog. JL is a great guy, actually he's not he's a Great Guy. And he's in the states at the moment.
More specifically he's at the current fashionable church of Bethel CA. doing worship type stuff (I think, he did tell me).

Bethel is a church that is doing great stuff, and my sarcasm about it is more my dislike of christian celebrity than anything else. But thats possibly a different blog.

Bethel more than anything seems to emphasise the 'presence of God' as a strength. This isn't a bad thing, and in my own church this emphisis learned from Bethel has seen some awesome things happen.

The idea follows- God loves you, he really does and wants to spend time with you. He really does love you and has good things for you (insert gifts or something here) and he wants all of you. He moves in the supernatural in your life, and more than that 'is your dad' with all the good stuff of a good daddy. Or the image is you are royalty etc etc etc.

And this is good and thinking about it it IS good.
God does want (demand) our all
Anything that seeks more of the spirit is good.
The idea of a heavenly father being our father is a good one.

But something about it sits uneasily with me somewhere, something that among the good stuff makes me hesitate- and this may just be me.
Like the fella who came to spoke at my church (influenced by bethel) who spoke about a 'fire tunnel' - now if you're going to pray for LOTS of people as a church, and seek to raise expectations of the spirit moving a prayer/fire tunnel is a pretty good way of doing that. But this fella spoke for ten min about a FIRE TUNNEL! (yes he pronounced capitals)  and how he had a special annointing for this thing, it was only later someone described what the thing was.
Fire tunnel sans capital letters is pretty good way of praying for folk, but this purveying idea of personal anointing seems strange to me.
Like David was anointed to be king right, but kept quiet and ended up hiding in caves and the like before he saw his anointing. Reading through MArk with Katie at the moment, Jesus, the anointed son of God seems to spend half the book telling people and demons not to tell who he is. Not to boast about the anointing he has.
And this is the thing that makes me feel slightly hesitant. Why is it so personal, why is it so about me?
God does desire a relationship with me yes. But it's not about me is it? As part of my gaining that realtionship there was a sense I gave up myself- there's joy grace and so much freedom there. But in a different way than I hear from north california.
God does have so many gifts for me, more than i can measure. But part of me thinks that they are given for the building up of the body, so not just for me.
God is my dad, my father and that closeness is amazing. But there is also a sense he is the creator of the world and lord of all. I don't disagree with the focus on the fatherhood of God, it's brilliant. But the lion and the lamb lie down together. Lambs are more cuddly, but the Glory of God, lies in the paradox of both together.
The Glory of the most high coming down to be our saviour and our servant, while at the same time being no less God.
I think, and this is my vague theology coming inarticulately to the fore here: That God is God, and God's love brings more Glory on himself.
I'm not sure that God can exist with the aim to love us. That puts us at the focus again. But by his love for us he gains more Glory.
Put it anotherway- God doesn't need our worship one bit. God has no need to love us. But he does, and marvels at his Glory- for his own sake. And it is a Glory that we can't approach on our own.
In the song 'amazing grace' it is Grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace my fear relieves.They are both there. The lion and the lamb.
I'm not sure this life is all about me. I hope not, it would be a bit boring if it were. And God, my father, dad, loves me so much. How greatfull am I? I am filled by his spirit and see him moving in my generation. But forgive me if I keep going back on my knees, kneeling before the most high God, covered in blood spilt for me, trembling and fearfull, fearless and loved.
The lion and the lamb.